Entries from March 2007 ↓
March 31st, 2007 — Dirty Jokes
Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a horse.
Q. Have you heard about the new ‘Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A. They’re called ‘Predickamints’
Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Q. What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes “ribbit” the other goes “rub it”.’
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.
Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it’s from.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren’t all kitchen appliances that colour?
Q. What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley.
Q. What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit’s Finger
Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q. What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”
Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.
Q. What’s the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!
Q. What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Q. What’s another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough
Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.
Q. What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A. A Mechanic.
Q. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.
Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.
Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There’s always a spare.
Q. What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven’s First Movement.
Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.
Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can’t see a thing with all this shit in here!
Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter
Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
March 31st, 2007 — Dirty Jokes
Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!
Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She’s the one with the dirty knees!
Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. Ménage é twat.
Q. What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis…even a thought can raise it.
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Q. Where do fags park?
A. In the rear.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife…
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What does a female snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Q. What’s red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
Q. Define “Egghead:”
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.
Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool!
Q. What’s a necrophiliac’s biggest complaint about sex?
A. They just kinda lay there.
Q. What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. “Will I really drown if you take your finger out?”
Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.
Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Q. Hey, what’s sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord
Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.
Q. What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
March 31st, 2007 — Dirty Jokes
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can’t eat it.
Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man’s sex life?
A. Because women know if he’ll eat one of those, he’ll eat anything!
Q. Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she’s given her last blow job.
Q. Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Q. What is the definition of “making love”?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
Q. What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.
Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They’re hiring.
Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah…now he has no ears.
Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don’t want your friends to find out.
Q. How do you fuck a fat chick?
A. Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.
Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.
Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick
Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren’t good for shit.
Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.
Q. What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!
Q. How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.
March 31st, 2007 — Dirty Jokes
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. What’s the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ”quickie”, only you do it yourself.
Q. Why don’t little girls fart?
A. Because they don’t get assholes until they’re married.
Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Q. What’s the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. They don’t have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A. They don’t stop for directions.
Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!
Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!
Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A. Marry it.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.
Q. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A. Fur traders.
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.
Q. What’s better than a rose on your piano?
A. Tulips on your organ.
Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. Stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets!
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy
Q. Why don’t witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A. Better traction.
Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating…
Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of fucking time.
Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.
Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged
Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom’s apple pie.
Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.
Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
A. They’re going to call her Old Spice.
Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don’t whistle on the way down.
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won’t shit on the floor.
Q. Why can’t women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Q. What’s a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Q. Why do women prefer old gynaecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!
Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.
Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm “Jersey”
Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
A. Potpourri
Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?
A. You don’t look down.
Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?
A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo
Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.
Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A. Good morning Girls
Q. What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
A. At the circus, the clowns don’t talk.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don’t have eyes.
Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.
Q. What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whore’s fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
Q. Did ya hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?
A. It works by changing your blood type!!
Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A. Toys for Twats
Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout “Fuck”?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout “Bingo!”
Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
A. None It should be open when she brings it to you
Q. What’s the difference between pink and purple?
A. The grip!
Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
A. Miracle whip.
Q. What’s the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.
Q. What does do women and milk cartons have in common?
A. You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.
Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A. They have cotton balls
Q. What happens when you kiss a canary?
A. You get chirpes, it can’t be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming.
Q. How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
A. When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
March 31st, 2007 — Dirty Jokes
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian’s favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. “How do you breath through something so small?”
Q. Why don’t women wear watches?
A. There’s a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What’s the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn’t last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn’t report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What’s the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven’t they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn’t need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn’t do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Q. What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn’t know her first name was “Always.”
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning himself?
A. He’s smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A. “Is it in?”
Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They’re called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
March 30th, 2007 — Dirty Jokes
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”
He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.” The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
March 29th, 2007 — Futuristic
`…here he comes now,’ breathed Genesis. his companions shrank
back slightly behind the dumpster. rivulets of muck that ran from
the holes in the rusted corners of the huge metal bin gleamed as the
ED-209-B’s lights swept the alleyway, searching for potential
offenders. Genesis whistled the signal to Kely, who was hidden
behind a set of water pipes that ran up the length of the building.
she stepped out just as the ED-209-B turned to leave. the sound of
her footsteps made him pause, and with gyros whirring, he turned and
stepped into the alleyway. his xenon lamps bathed her in a
blue-white glare momentarily, before he switched to ultraviolet. he
assessed her `miscreant potential’, decided that she wasn’t breaking
the law, and was about to depart when she produced something from
underneath her flak jacket. it was a cylinder, about three inches in
diameter, twenty inches long, painted black on one side, with regular
bar-code markings in ultraviolet-reflecting paint on the other.
ED-209-B quickly recognised the bar-code; it was a cannister of
`HarXene 23′, a powerful chemical explosive favoured by terrorist
groups. the machine instantly hunkered down with hissing pneumatics,
lowering his centre of gravity and presenting a shallower profile to
any potential blast.
`Put down your weapon. You have twenty seconds to comply,’ the
machine grated in his barely understandable synthesised voice. this
was the part that Kely hated. she counted a careful fifteen seconds,
and then rotated the cylinder so that the matte-black, non-reflective
surface showed. ED-209-B paused, and cautiously lifted from his
defensive crouch. he waited for about ten seconds, then turned to
leave. Kely turned the cylinder again, and again, ED-209-B crouched
with pneumatic squeaks, and issued his warning. another fifteen
seconds.
and so on, for almost three hours.
`was it slower that time?’ ivo muttered to genesis.
`i think so… look!’ ED-209-B’s batteries had been low when they
had set this trap up, and he had finally reached the point when
recharging had become a higher priority than catching a potential
terrorist.
`Do not leave the vicinity,’ he growled, `you have been tagged for
further surveillance. this is your only warning.’ he punctuated the
threat with a sampled Alsatian-growl, and turned to leave. at the
alleyway entrance, genesis’ compatriots had set up a mock-recharging
station. the red flashing light was completely authentic, though; it
had to be, otherwise ED-209-B wouldn’t recognise it. the machine
stumped up to the station, settled down into the recharging cradle,
and beeped its `commence recharging’ command. the mockup responded
with a very plausible imitation of the `station out of service’
signal. ED-209-B paused briefly, and then got up. he turned a slow
one-eighty degrees, and spotted the other mock-recharging station
that genesis had hurriedly set up at the other end of the alley.
with noticeably slower steps, he tramped the length of the alley, sat
down in the cradle, and signalled for a recharge. this station also
beeped `out of service’. ED-209-B got up, turned a slow one-eighty,
spotted the first recharging station…
and so on…
until half-past-four in the morning, when ED-209-B finally ran out
of juice. just before shutting down completely, he locked his
twin-turret machine guns down, so that potential miscreants couldn’t
break them open for the ammunition. bullets, however, were not
exactly what genesis and his friends were after. Kely cautiously
approached the machine, knocked on his leading edge.
`anybody home?’ she giggled. genesis had shoved aside one of the
mock-recharging stations and was backing a small electric loader up
the alley. together, they tipped Ed-209-B backwards into the tray,
covered him with a tarpaulin, and whirred off.
Ed-209-B stood under the bright lights of the AnarchArtist’s work
room, rear maintenance plate removed, a mass of leads dangling from
banks of packed circuitry. his twin guns had been detached and
stacked in the corner, the ammunition removed for sale to the
`BananaLand Arts Irridentist’ movement.
genesis and ivo were arguing about the disassembly of Ed-209-B’s
code. ivo pointed to a block of hexadecimal digits, `4E71′, repeated
halfway down the page.
`i tell you, it’s some sort of jump-table. it just looks like a
series of NOPs in the listing, ‘cos the code isn’t contiguous.’
`well, okay, although i still think that they stuck them in for
some sort of timing loop.’ ivo snorted cynically.
`what sort of asshole depends on a bank of NOPs for timing? i
mean, what happens when you port the code to a faster processor?’
genesis grinned, raising an index finger to illustrate his point.
`i thought you knew, that you have to be an asshole to code for
OCP. it’s in the job specs.’ the door slammed open, and Kely burst
in, waving a sheaf of printout.
`never fear, Camden’s here!,’ she proclaimed. `hot off the
presses… original documentation, stolen from right under
Jonesy-babes’ cocaine-powdered nose!’ genesis and ivo grabbed the
printout, and began sorting the pages into areas of interest.
`gyro assimilation… nah, that’s, what’s-it-called, that, um,
recoil/ranging actuator differentiation… there! that’s where the
Motivation and Restriction codes get filtered through the Situational
Engine, and - what’s that? Christ, Kely… that thing would’ve blown
yer fuckin’ head off as soon as look at you - see that bit of code?’
ivo was grinning. Kely looked at the printout, and turned pale.
genesis slapped ivo on the back, and said with forced joviality,
`next time, you can do the song-and-dance in front of the
double-barrelled motherfucker.’ Kely grinned.
`by the time we’ve finished with him, Eddie-baby’ll be entirely
single-barrelled.’ she shoved a disk of pirated code into their PC,
and moved around to the front of ED-209-B. she began to unbolt the
plate that covered the servos between its legs.
later that morning: genesis clicked on the `play’ gadget. ED-209-B
said, in a husky voice,
`Ohh… bay…bee…’
`nahh, ’s too slow, and you can hear the anti-aliasing a mile off.
Up the playback rate to twenty K… okay, again.’
`Ohh, bay-bee!’ in addition, genesis made the droid wiggle his
ass. Kely smiled.
`I’d buy that for a dollar,’ she murmured.
they had moved their work-benches out and had three videocameras
set up under the lights. ivo focussed two of them on the end of the
brass bed that Kely and genesis had wheeled in, strapped on the third
camera, adjusting its Steady-Cam balancing weights. he waved it
around, checking the autofocus. he nodded to genesis, who was
manning ED-209-B’s hastily dummied-up control console.
Kely was wearing nothing except a tattered shirt, spotted in
jungle-camouflage green, and a Mao cap with a forlorn single twig
poking out. she looked the very caricature of the urban terrorist.
she was handcuffed to the end of the brass bed.
genesis counted down:
`three, two, one… okay,’ he continued in a parody of the
serious, concerned news-reader’s voice: `in today’s violent society,
we here at OCP have to deal firmly with terrorists…’ he pressed
some keys on his console, and ED-209-B stumped into shot behind Kely.
A huge rubber penis had been attached to the plate between his legs.
it waved comically as the droid sidled up to Kely, who was cowering
in mock-fear. another key press, and the penis inflated with a
sultry hiss.
`oh, MY!’ Kely squeaked.
`Oh, bAY-BEE!’ ED-209-B replied. it nudged the penis between her
legs, and began to thrust rhythmically. as ivo dollied in for a
close-up, genesis cued some music, the theme from a currently popular
news show. it didn’t quite drown out the squeaking of bed-springs
and Kely’s put-on gasps.
it was then that ED-209-B spotted something in the monitor ivo had
set up for Kely’s benefit. it was a cylindrical something, that kept
appearing and disappearing between the suspect’s thighs… he
thrust forward - there it was again. something triggered in the
faded neural-network of ED-209-B’s pattern-recognition system. he
suddenly crouched down, angling the tip of the penis upwards.
`r-r-r-t- your weapon. you have twenty- b-z-z-z-z-t’ Kely, ever
the improvisationalist, hitched her behind up, and settled down on
the end of the rubber penis.
`come on baby, do it -’ and suddenly, ED-209-B thrust forward
again, propelling Kely over the end of the bed. her hands still
cuffed to the bedstead, ED-209-B began shaking like an epileptic,
pushing the end of its dick in and out at a frantic rate. her hair
flying in all directions, Kely’s gasps weren’t put-on any more, as
ED-209-B pumped away like mad, standing up on his toes, emitting a
grinding buzz that was part scrambled audio-sample, part electronic
shriek of lust. ivo backed off slightly, framed his camera’s view
around the tableaux of Kely cuffed to the end of the brass bed,
suspended on the end of ED-209-B’s swollen dick, just as he gave
a final thrust, flipping Kely right over, forwards onto her back,
and, shuddering in some digital epiphany, ED-209-B spurted about a
gallon of bright-green machine-oil out of the end of his dick. ivo
took a close-up of the oil running over Kely’s face and down her
breasts, genesis superimposed the familiar OCP logo, and said, as the
music faded,
`O… C… P. we know how to do it.’
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March 29th, 2007 — Dreamers
As I reached back to fasten the top in place, the large bald man stepped from the
closet holding his knife up for me to see in the mirror.
“Don’t bother, bitch.” he said calmly. I turned with a gasp. I first saw the
knife in his hand and then the evil grin on the man’s face.
“Fuckin’ bitch, don’t even think about screaming, I’ll kill you. And then I’ll
fuck your dead body. ” The man said this just as calmly as if he was telling me
the tme of day.
“Please, mister, don’t hurt me…..” I was stopped cold as the huge bear-like man
grabbed me and yanked me hard against him .
“Shut the fuck up, bitch. I’ll do all the talking.” He pushed me against the wall
and put the knife to my throat. “You do what I say, and really please me, and you
might live.” He pushed the knife up against one of my nipples.
The Bear reached up and stroked tmy face. “You smell so good, “, he breathed as
his hand then slid to my neck and then down to my breasts. “Nice.” The Bear said
in satisfaction, as he roughly fondled them. “Small, like a little girl”.
He stepped away from me, and moved towards the bed. “Don’t move! I can be across
this room and have your neck snapped before you can blink!”
I obeyed, standing motionless, as The Bear undressed. I finally had a chance to
get a good look at him. He was tall, heavily bearded with a shaved head, piercing
and tattoos. He removed all of his clothes to reveal more tattoos and it was
pretty obvious he was an excon. His unerect cock was a long full hanging 12
inches and pierced thru the sides of his cock head was a large prince Albert
style silver ring with round studs on the tip. He was uncircumcised with a thick
foreskin slowly riding up his shaft and revealing his penis adornment fully and
it was apparent he was getting hard just looking at my quivering body.
“Please, tell me what you want from me.” I was shook in fear. I knew what he
wanted: my rape fantasies of becoming the victim of a large Bald man had now
become real, and it was a nightmare! In my confusion, I didn’t know what to do.
What I did know was that I wanted to live.
“Now put your hands on top of your head and keep ‘em there. I’ve been looking
forward to this for days, bitch, so let me get a good look at you!”
I raised my hands. and stood before my soon-to-be rapist in nothing but my
panties. Standing there under the man’s star, I felt my nipples grew hard from
fear and excitement. I could tell that The Bear admired my slim, almost
child-like body. Part of me was flattered that this beast, this truly masuline
animal, had chosed me as his victim!
The Bear walked back to me and threw me to the floor.
“Kiss my foot, and beg me to rape you!”
Knowing the need to please him, I said, “Please Master, rape me, use me however
you want!”
“I see youse a smart bitch, you learn fast,” The Bear said as he. bent down and
grabbed my arm, lifting me to my feet.
“Come on, bitch.”
I knew I was helpless as the man dragged over to the bed and threw me face down
over the bed so that I fell with my ass sticking high up in the air.
“Don’t move bitch.” He demanded. Reaching into his pocket, Rick brought out a
role of surgical tape and quickly tied my wrists together in front of her, and
then tied them to the board that ran along the bottom of the bed. When my hands
were secure, he moved down my slim, muscular legs.
He first grabbed my right ankle and tied it to one leg of the bed. He then moved
to the other ankle. The Bear pulled the my legs wide apart,stretching my smooth
muscles. All I could do was whimper helplessly while the Bear fastened my left
ankle to the other leg of the couch. Then he cut the panties from my body.
I was now stretched out helplessly before the man,
The Bear slowly ran his thick, heavy hands over my trembling ass cheeks. “You
ever been fucked in the ass bitch? No? Well this is your unlicky day!”, he
laughed, as he continued to fondle me.
“I’m really going to enjoy this,”The Bear grunted.as his index finger moved to
the rim of the my ass hole. As his finger made contact with the tight, little
sphincter, the muscle tightened and released.
What he was doing me did feel good, but I felt overwhelming fear at the thought
of my tiny hole wrapping around his thick long cock.
The Bear k began easing this thick sausage-like finger into my hole tight hole.
He then violently shoved this same finger the rest of the way. I screamed as he
buried his finger to the knuckle in m tight hole. It felt asif my ass were on
fire. Pain filed my mind as The Bear’s finger stretched my tiny hole.
“O baby, you are tight!”
“Stop. Please stop. Oh, it hurts.” I begged, knowing it was useless.
“Of course it hurts, bitch. That’s the idea. Shit, I wouldn’t want to do ya if it
didn’t hurt!”
The monster slid his finger back an inch and then slid it back in. I squirmed at
the pain, but I couldn’t escape what he was doing to me.
My squirming seemed to delight him, he laughed and said, “Bitch, It’s time you
took my BIG finger.”
He pulled his finger from the my ass. I felt the Bear mover closer to me. His
huge hands grabbed my waist and I felt him tremble as he positioned his cock at
my tight hole. I felt the man’s cock head press against myr tiny hole.
“No. Please, God No!. Its too big.”
“You so tight, this aint going to be easy for you at all! But it sure will feel
good to me.” I could feel his cock pushing hard into my ass, and now for the
first time I was truly scared. This was going to hurt BAD!
He pushed his cock at me again and again, the force behind his thrust growing
with each unsuccessful attempt. Finally, summoning all the strength of his legs
and back, he rammed his cock into me, hard, and forced the head of it into my
asshole. I screamed and my body trembled with the pain of it. He grabbed my waist
in both hands, and slowly forced the rest of his cock up my ass. It hurt so bad I
couldn’t even scream.
My breath came in deep sobs that shook my whole body. The Bear gained inches at a
time, in one extremely slow thrust that took minutes to complete. I was in agony
every second, being stretched painfully around his massive cock. Finally, he was
in me up to his balls, his cock completely buried up in me.
He stopped, “Damn, this one sweet ass! I just might let you live girl.” The pain
eased a bit, as he just stood there. I began to think that it was over, that he
was done . I continued to cry, my face wet with the tears that had soaked the
bed. I felt The Bear pull out, just as slowly, allowing a wave of relief to come
over me. He pulled out until all but the head had been removed… then he rammed
the whole length back in, all at once.
The scream that came out of me should have awakened the dead, butThe Bear just
dug his fingers hard into my hips, and began to thrust into me wildly, pounding
my poor ass with his big, rock hard cock, taking me in a brutal anal rape that
knocked the wind out of me so that I could no longer make a sound. His fingers
bruised my waist and hips as his grip on them locked tighter, pulling me onto his
cock harder, and faster. The Bear pounded and thrust into me roughly for quite a
while, slowing down when it was certain he was about to come, so that he could
polong his use of me.
Then, without warning, he would speed up his thrusts, ramming painfully into my
ass over and over, until my tiny, abused hole became numb from the constant
barrage of pain. The Bear plunged into me harder, and harder, until he could hold
back no longer, and shot wad after wad of hot, boiling cum up my helpless, abused
ass.
“Give me a few minutes, and I’ll have a go at the pussy of yours!”, he panted. He
pulled his now softening cock out of me, and stepped away.
“Be right back, bitch. You doan mind if I use yer phone? I think I wanna share
you with some friends…”
Before I could respond, (as if I dared!) the Bear had left the room.
*******
Soon, the Bear was back.
He came and stood between my legs and positioned the head of his steel hard
monsterous cock at the entrance of my pussy.
“The guys should be here in about 15 minutes, bitch, so I’m gonna try and make
this fast. Wanna get a good fuck in before we get you ready for yer guests,” he
laughed.
Ro my amazement, the Bear almost gently and slowly inched his huge cock past the
lips of my pussy into me, He stoped ” Bet this feel like I done shoved a
telephone pole in their, I hope, huh? Bet you aint never had a real man before,”
He started pushing past into me in one incrediably painful long thrust. I felt
him rip into me, smash something loose inside me. I screamed out at the tearing
pain, but the Bear just laughed and with one huge hand, began slowly and gently
rubbing my clit.
Unbelievably, I felt waves of pleasure mix in with the pain that threatened to
make me pass out.
The Bear continued thrusting into my pussy, slowly inching amoat all the way out
of me then back ramming his baton-like steel hard cock into me, smashing into me
with such force that I thought my head would fall off.. Again, and again he
rammed his cock inside my tight pussy. I could feel the muscles of my puss
ycontract around him like a tight sheath for a knife.
He must have truly loved that feeling, because he began laughing insanely,
pounding into me forcefully, almost making it haed to breath under the impact
ever increasing brutal lly, poweful furious thrusts.
And then his thrust came even faster, were delivered with even more force and
pain as he came and and flooded my insides with his white hot cum. He pulled out
of me and wiped hic cock, sticky with my blood and his cum on the inside of my
leg.
“What will you do if I untie you bitch?”, the Bear said.
“Whatever you want me to do,” I sobbed, “Master.” He hurt beyond anything I had
imagined possible. I was terrified of him. I didn’t want to endure his assault
upon my body ever again…..And yet I meant every word as I said. “I ‘m yours,
and I only want to please you.”
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March 29th, 2007 — Cheating Wife
It was a rainy and cool autumn night, a nice change from the long, hot
summer. It had been a busy day and so I decided to call for a pizza to be
delivered. In the meantime I took a long, hot shower to relax.
My husband was working very late. One child was sleeping and the other
was gone to a friend’s house overnight. Just as I was rubbing soapsuds all
over my body, I heard the doorbell ring. Wouldn’t you know it? I suddenly
remembered that I had ordered a pizza. I knew that the delivery person would
be standing in the rain, so I quickly put on a very short red silk robe. I was
still wet so it was sticking to my body all over. I ran to the door and opened
it to find the pizza kid who was also quite wet. I told him to come in out of
the rain. When he stepped into the light of the hall, I was very happily
surprised. He was about 6 feet tall, dark hair, brown eyes, very good looking,
young but “old enough”.
I was immediately excited. My nipples got hard under the wet silk and I
think he noticed. My robe was coming open a little bit when I took the pizza
and went to get the money so he could see more of my breasts. I was shaking
when I was coming back from the kitchen with the money and I dropped some of
it. He helped me pick it up and I could tell he was breathing heavily.
When we stood up I noticed how hard he was. His cock looked so big even
under his clothes that I knew I couldn’t resist trying to seduce him. I made
some silly small talk to keep him there. He seemed in no hurry to leave
although he was nervous and so was I. I just kept moving closer and closer to
him as we talked until we were touching, leg to leg. To touch him was like
electric pleasure running straight through me. I reached over and began to
gently run my hands up and down his thighs. Before he could speak I kissed his
lips, gently at first, then more deeply and urgently until our mouths were open
with passion. I felt his nice little ass and then his cock through his pants. I
had to have it. Shaking like a leaf I began to unzip his pants. His hands were
all over me. I could hardly catch my breath, I was so excited. He took my robe
off and felt my breasts and nipples. I asked him if it was his first time. He
said “Yes”. I was going crazy. I whispered “I’ll make it so good for you,
baby”. When I got his pants off, his cock was so big and beautiful I knew I
would come as soon as it was inside me. My pussy was wet and swollen and
aching to have it. But it would have to wait.
Without his clothes he had a nice slender body and it was very warm and
good to touch. I asked him to sit on the stairs, that I wanted to suck him. I
sat on the floor in front of him between his legs. I was in a perfect position
to do it there. I started by licking his cock all the way up to the head lots
of times, and especially around the head where it flares out. I love that part
because it feels so good pulling inside on the outstroke. I wanted to get
fucked by him so badly. I licked the head of his cock and kissed it and sucked
it gently at first, then harder and deeper into my mouth He was really enjoying
this and began to fuck my mouth a little. When he came in my mouth I sucked all
of it. I loved it.
We traded places on the stairs so he could do it to me. I had to sit
higher up being shorter of course. I spread my legs open for him so eagerly.
My clitoris was so big and hard I think he was happily surprized. The wetness
was just oozing out of me. He was hard again and I showed him how to lick my
clit, not too fast and then how to suck it gently and rhytmically until I came
and came from it.
We couldn’t put it off any longer and together tumbled on to the floor.He
was lying on his back so I squatted down over that big cock. I had to ease it
in slowly. It was so big and I was swollen tight with desire. The feeling was
incredible. By the time he was all the way in me I had a blinding orgasm. I
know I cried out but could not help it. Then I was immediately building up to
the next orgasm. He came pretty soon after some really good deep strokes. It
felt so good when his warm come filled me up inside.
Soon he was hard again and we fucked longer. I could feel him getting
bigger and bigger inside of me as we fucked. It was excrusiatingly fantastic.
I was coming the whole time he was fucking me it seemed. He got on top of me
and fucked me. Over and over I felt myself tighten up and come and I could tell
he felt that too. I got on my hands and knees so he could fuck me from behind.
Finally we were exhausted. I helped him get dressed while I kissed him all
over and he did the same to me. I wondered how many pizzas never got delivered
that night as he left. Maybe I should order another one soon.
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March 29th, 2007 — Anal
Newcastle University was great, away from home, meeting new people and being
able to do what I wanted without having to justify everything in front of
my parents. I enrolled in Business Management and enjoyed both my fellow
students and the course.
Apart from studying hard, I spend most of the time hanging around with my
friends at the student union or in one of the many bars in Town. Each Friday
night most of the students went to the student union. It was always a hugh
party with the large dance floor in the basement, the two bars on the ground
floor and another dance floor on the top floor. Where as the basement was
know for pop and house, the top floor offered a much more relaxing but also
more exciting. The music was better, a much more interesting mix of various
styles like industrial, dance and independent. I am not to much into music
but I enjoyed it more upstairs, where the lightning wasn’t so flashy and the
girls more grown-up.
That particular Friday Dan, Mike and I walked first to the sports bar on the
ground floor. After a couple of pints in town we got another round of lager
before we decided to check the union out. As usual most students got
completely drunk in the basement and we walked upstairs. At 11:30 it was
still quiet and we found a table to sit down, listening to the music,
talking and checking out the girls arriving. Most of them looked average but
even though, most of them had a nice body and dressed sexy, either in tops
and tight jeans or short skirts. Some of them even turned up in nearly see
through tops. As every Friday it was a good show and by 12 the place was
crowed. Most of the girls danced in small groups, surrounded by fellow
students watching them.
I got up and walked to the bar, getting another round of lager when I saw
Clair. Clair is a cute girl from our course, a bit smaller than I, about
5′5. Her body seemed to be perfect and her tight top covered some nicely
shaped breasts. She smiled at me when she saw me and I made my way through
the crowed to meet her.
“Hey Clair, how you’re doing?”
“Fine Tom, and you?”
“I am great, just thirsty. I am getting another round. You want to join us?”
“Sure… I am waiting for Sandra, she should be here.”
“Haven’t seen her, Clair.” I reply.
“She’s late, as always.”
She took my arm and we tried to get through to the bar. Pressing through the
body’s was difficult. Just two bartenders to serve maybe 20 people waiting
and as soon as one person was leaving, he was replaced by two new students.
Clair guided us the way through to the bar since girls always got some
space, where as I was pressed and pushed all the time. Clair turned around
to me and I saw her smile…
“We’re nearly there… what you get?”
“Three pints of lager.”
Clair turned around and took my hands and continued leading the way directly
in front of the bar. I saw her great body in the tight beige jeans and the
red tank-top, I saw the straps of the red bra, her neck, her short black
hair. Something happened in the back of the students waiting at the bar. I
got pushed against Clair violently, getting in contact with her body… but
she just looked at me, took my arms around her waist, holding me and leaning
against me. I was surprised but said nothing, instead enjoying the feeling
of her body.
Than it was Clairs turn, she bend over the bar, talking to the Student who
was working as a bartender. I have seen him a couple of times around the
university but didn’t knew him. While Clair bend over to order the drinks, I
felt her pushing her bottom even stronger against me, right against my hips.
I felt something awakening between my legs. Clair got the drinks, turned
around with two beers in her hands.
“You gonna help me?”
I was a bit lost, a moment ago enjoying a nice erotic pressure and now being
pushed back into reality…
“Sure…” was all I could say.
She took the other two pints and this time she followed me to the place Dan
and Mike were waiting.
“It was about time, Tom, we already though of deploying a SAR-Team.”
“Yeah… I am thirsty. What took you so long…?”
And than they realized Clair was there as well. Both had a big grin and made
some space so Clair could join us. Enjoying our beers we mainly talked about
your courses and whether we liked our choices, the other students and profs.
A bit later Sandra arrived with another guy we didn’t knew. Sandra didn’t
stay long but headed of to dance not fare from us. The guy had his eyes all
over Sandra’s body. Sandra was a bit taller than Clair, about my size and
had larger breasts. And judging how they bounced up and down while dancing
Sandra didn’t wear a bra.
“who’s that guy with Sandra” Mike asked Clair.
“Some 3rd year. Studies Law, don’t know him much.” Sandra replied watching
them closely.
“Always the same…” Dan said.
“What?” I asked him.
“3rd and 2nd years always get the great girls.”
Sadly I let my eyes stray from Dan to Clair and realized she was watching
me…
“Lets go dancing” she said, taking my hand and pushing me up.
We moved on the dance floor and started dancing. Clair stayed very close,
touching me occasionally, dancing very erotic. We moved closer to Sandra and
that guy. It seemed to me that Clair was up to something but I didn’t knew
what nor did I care… dancing with Clair was great and I just wanted to
enjoy this experience. Clair didn’t only get us closer to Sandra but she
also dance much closer to me, contact wasn’t occasionally anymore but
constant and I felt how hard I got…
Clair started to embrace me, I felt her breath on my neck and the bulge in
my jeans pressing against her body. While dancing even closer, while feeling
my erection growing, her lips touched my ears… some air was blown over my
skin, it felt like electricity. Soon she started bitting and moaning softly
in my ear while I had the feeling that an orkan was storming through my body
and that my manhood would rip the jeans apart. The lack of space was
uncomfortable but this strong erotic feeling… I didn’t want to miss this,
didn’t want to stop.
The song stopped and Clair used to short break to look in my eyes. I felt
electrified and had the urge to kiss her. However, the decision was taken
from me… Clair kissed me softly… I looked again in her eyes and this
time it wasn’t a soft kiss but we looked our mouths, our tongues played with
each other. ages passed… I don’t know how long we kissed but Clair broke
the kiss and dragged me to the door. Seems like she wanted to leave and I
was already looking forward…
I followed Clair but she turned left into the first floor instead of
continuing the way down to the basement where the cloakroom is…
“Lets find a place…”
“W…h..” I tried to say.
“Shhht” Clair said, killing anything I tried to say with a wet kiss… She
grabbed my jeans and dragged me to one of the conference rooms in the side
wing of the student union.
“Guess we won’t be disturbed here.” Clair sad, pushing me in this anonymous
room and closing the door behind us. Apart from the streetlight which
entered through the windows the room was empty apart from 4 large basic
tables in the center and 12 chairs grouped around them. The walls were
covered with some posters and a notice board. Nothing personal…
“Tom…” Clair said, looking at me. Somehow her voice sounded shy,
insecure…
I walked up to her and took her in my arms. I felt her arms around me, her
soft kiss against my throat and than she broke contact. Chris moved
backwards to the table and took of her top and let it fall to the floor. I
saw her in her bra, even though it was to dark to see the color I knew it
was red. I followed her, we kissed again while my hands moved softly over
her back…
Clair pushed my t-shirt up, we had to break our kiss so she could push it
over my head. She pushed me a bit back and opened the buttons of my jeans,
pushing them together with my boxer down. She dropped down on her knees and
I felt the soft touch of her lips… it was so exiting, I though it was a
dream and suddenly I will wake up alone in bed.
But instead of waking up I felt Clair softly liking my hard shaft, I felt
the tip of her tongue gliding over my hot flesh leaving a soft wet track. It
was great, I just couldn’t believe it that she was giving me a blow job in
the student union. I felt so hot, so excited and the energy waves raced
through my body, the soft pressure in my balls. I knew if she continued like
that I would explode shortly.
I took her shoulders and pushed her up. It was to dark to really look in her
eyes. I felt like saying something but instead I kissed her on her lips,
just to feel that her tongue tried to find a way between my lips to great
me. I opened my mouth and our kiss was looked again.
I was standing nude, the jeans around my ankle in front of Clair… but I
didn’t care. I enjoyed her touches, her fingertips gliding over my back, her
tongue playing with mine. I broke the Kiss and tried to step one step back
but I fell over my own jeans hanging around my feet. Clair started to laugh
loudly.
“Shhht Clair, someone will hear us.”
“That’s so funny Tom…”
“What?”
“You falling down…”
“You’re making fun of me?” I said pretending to be insulted.
Clair came next to me… I saw up her legs as she stood there… Clair
reached to her back and opened her bra, dropping it on my body. She slipped
out of her shoes and started opening her jeans slowly…
“You… you’re…?”
Clair stepped out of her jeans and let it drop next to us. She got down and
kissed me and if felt her hand reaching for my hard dick. She turned around
and started softly sucking my head again. Her hot, wet and soft lips felt so
good. I touched her and I was nearly able to kiss her legs. I turned and
started licking and kissing her soft skin. Clair moved over my head,
spreading her legs… she lowered herself and I could smell her sex, touch
it with my nose, feel the heat… I pushed my head up… touched her with my
tongue… I felt a shiver as my tongue made first contact with her sex… it
was wet…
I couldn’t believe it, we were here, nude, sucking and licking each other.
If someone would enter… I did not care, this was better than the dirtiest
dreams and sexiest fantasies I had so fare.
She lowered her even more, pressing her sex on my mouth. I felt her soft
hair, my nose touched her inner lips, it was wet… I let my tongue explore
her womanhood, feeling the lips, feeling her slit, touching the outer side
of the deep tunnel… it was so hot, so wet, so good.
Clair got up and turned around, she bend over and we kissed. Her hand was
touching down her legs, taking my dick and placing the head softly between
her wet lips. I felt her softness and slowly she pressed herself on my
phallus. I was feeling this wet tight, hot passage which my flesh penetrated
and it was feeling so good. I let out a soft moan… I touched her tits and
started to play with her hard nipples. She was riding me softly crazy…
“Ahhh…” Clair moaned softly…
I was breathing loudly… I didn’t know how long we making love on the floor
but I felt the pressure building up…
“I…. i’mmm….”
Clair cut me of again with a deep kiss and her moves became faster as her
tongue penetrated my mouth while she rocked faster and faster on my dick. I
felt my balls tighten under her pumping, I felt my juices racing through my
body while waves were pulsing from my head through the stomach into my hips.
I was shacking when I felt my orgasm building up. Than I just exploded deep
in her… letting out a load moan… while Clair still kissed me and
continued riding me.
She came slowly to a stop, we were just holding each other while I tried to
recover. I felt my penis shrinking deep in her. She was so wet…
“Lets go.”
“Back?”
“No…” Clair sad… “where ever you want.”
We dressed and walked hand in hand back to the corridor. It was 1:30 and the
people were still dancing. We walked down to the basement and got our
jackets. Hand in Hand we walked slowly back to our halls of residence. We
walked past Security to our Tower. Clair was living on the 7th floor where
as my room was on the 3rd floor.
“It’s up 4 more floors, mine or yours Tom…?” Clair asked me… “mine got a
nice view in the morning, we can see the sun rising.”
“Lets get up another 4 flours” I day with a smile.
“If you can wait so long?”
We kissed and I felt her hands on my jeans again. She pushed me down on the
stairs and she opened the buttons, pushing down the jeans and slowly taking
my soft dick in her mouth. She slowly sucked my, while I rested, softly
stroking her hair.
I felt my dick harden again, it was so good. Suddenly we heard a door, than
steps, someone was walking up the stairs.
“Clair?” I asked her…
“hmmm” was all I heard… Clair continued sucking me but faster. I felt my
head pressing against her throat. She was moving faster, taking me deeper, I
felt her tongue under under my shaft, her hands playing with my balls…
The person came closer.. but the steps weren’t fast…
“Clair.. h… hurrry…” I moaned while feeling the pleasure of her mouth
but being afraid of someone catching us.
The steps came closer… soon that person would stand in front of us, seeing
Clair in front of me, giving me a blow job. But this feeling made me even
more excited, the feeling, the idea someone could walk into us… and I
exploded.
Clair was sucking my juices. I pushed her gentle away and got up. Clair
helped me closing the buttons and we kissed deeply tasting my seed. When the
person we heard all the time coming nearer, passed us, Clair jiggled like a
small kid. It was a fellow student, completely drunk, dragging himself up
the stairs. I looked at Clair and saw some of my creamy milk flowing down
her cheeks. I kissed it away and we walked the stairs up to her room…
Closing the door behind us, we pulled of our clothes as fast as possible.
Clair guided me to her bed and she spread her long legs wide. I moved down
between her legs, kissing the inside, moving up slowly to her wide open
lips, still wet of my cream I left there when we loved us the first time.
I moved up to her fruit, touching it softly, parting her lips and searching
her clit… finding it in the wet depths, hard… I touched it softly with
the tip of my tongue.
“Ahhhaaa” Clair moaned loudly…
I touched her clit with the top of my tongue, licking it, feeling her
shiffer even stronger…
“Ouahhh… Toahhhh… hhhmmm…. Ahhh!”
Clair pressed her sex against my face… I started sucking her clit. Placed
my lips softly around it, sucked the small hard clit…
“Ahhhaaa…”
I sucked harder and than let my tongue glide down into the wet depths of her
passion. Clair moaned louder…
“Tomm…”
I stop licking her, looking up in her eyes.
“Fuuuck meee pleeease…”
I moved up, turned her around and Clair kneed down on her knees in front of
me. I moved behind her, inserting my hard phallus in her wet tunnel,
thrusting in and out of her while she moaned loudly. She was so wet and I
hardly felt any friction. I felt just her wetness, her hot fluids coating my
hard dick deep in her. It felt good and I enjoyed how she moved her hips
against my body, how her buttocks rocked against me, pressing me even deeper
in her… I hold her bottom in my hand, massaging her firm ass, letting my
thumbs circle over the soft skin while I pumped her. Soon I felt my fluids
rising again but Clair started to shiffer, to shout, to spasm while she
thrusted her hard against me. I felt my juice shooting through my body when
she was shaken by her climax. I pumped my cum in her while she collapsed on
the bed and I fell on top of her…
I woke up the next morning, I felt naked, I was naked… I saw a naked body
next to me, the back of a woman with short brown hair. It wasn’t a dream…
and I felt my dick coming to life. I moved a bit nearer and but my arms
around Clair, pressing my body softly against her back. I felt my dick
reacting to the contact of her warm skin. Getting harder it rubbed against
Clairs buttocks. It felt good…
Clair seemed to enjoy it in her sleep, it seemed like her body reacted to my
touches, to my rubbing. Her buttocks moved against my dick or did I press
myself so hard against her? I don’t know but it seemed like she started
rocking herself against my hardness and I got harder. I pressed her body
harder against mine, I felt her back pressing against my chest and I felt my
dick between her legs rubbing up her bottom. The heat seemed to increase, my
pleasure was rising and I started to rub my hardness against between her
valley between her buttocks. I kissed softly her neck when I felt her hands
gliding softly over my hips. Soft moans escaped her half closed lips when I
pressed my shaft deeper…
It felt so good, it happened like two pieces just fitted together. My head
pressed against her rosette and Clair pressed softly against my dick. Slowly
she pressed herself on my shaft, my helmet entered her first…
“Ahhhaaa… ahhhaaa…”
“Shooot… I… stooo… stop? I asked her moaning…
“Nooo… juuust fuuuck… meee slooow… slooowlyyy…”
I thrusted gently deeper and I was overwhelmed by the heat, by this
tightness. it was so dry, so hot, so intense.
“Ahhhaaa… haaa… haaa… ahhh! Clair pressed herself even harder against
me… she seemed to shiffer, to bent, like a cat.
Somehow I was gliding, thrusting deep in her and suddenly I was in, letting
out a load moan.
Clair shouted her moan out load as well… pressing herself on my shaft,
burying me deep in her ass.
“Ahhhaaa…!
Clair collapsed, pressed against me, in my arms, my cock in her anus… we
both relaxed feeling my hardness deep in her.
“Its so intense Tom…” she softly moaned…
“So hot, so hard…”
“Tom, take me…” Clair moaned… “cum in me”
She twisted her body, our mouths meet and while we kissed we started rocking
again. Slowly and than faster, each stroke increased the pace. Soon I was
thrusting into Clair and she moved against my body, i felt the energy
building up in me, so differently… instead of the silky, wet and hot
portal a very tight and hot tunnel… it was too much for me and I exploded
instantly…
For more stories try taboostories.com or
sex-story-sites.com’s erotic porn stories.
March 29th, 2007 — Anal
“Good morning, Gorgeous. How are you today?”
I looked up to see Eric’s familiar face craned around the open
door to my office. His hazel eyes sparkled as he grinned at me
and set an insulated cup on my desk. His dark hair was still
slightly mussed by the breezy day and his tie was flipped over
his shoulder. Tiny laugh lines radiated from his eyes and around
his mouth from his ever-present smile. My heart lurched at the
sight of him, but I resolutely suppressed those feelings and
returned Eric’s grin.
“I’m just fine. Thanks for the latte. How are you this lovely
Friday morning?”
The smug and satisfied smile he shot me as he turned away was all
the answer I got. I was used to that. Eric had a habit of smiling
at me that way and then disappearing. Not for the first time, I
cursed my luck at finding the perfect man for me, only to find
out that he belonged to another. I met Eric ten months ago when I
started this job. Better pay, better benefits, the possibility of
one day becoming a partner; I never once considered turning down
the offer. If I had known I would fall in love with a married
man, I might have reconsidered.
Eric was my mentor: another lawyer assigned to look out for me,
show me the ropes, and help me get settled in my new position. He
was intelligent, down-to-earth, and witty in a way that appealed
to my own sense of humor. It didn’t hurt that he was the sexiest
man I had ever laid eyes on. For me, the attraction had been
immediate and irresistible. And it came crashing down around me
that same afternoon when I met his wife, Kasia.
She was everything I wasn’t: a stunning redhead with the greenest
eyes I had ever seen, set into a heart-shaped face with high
cheekbones. It would have been easy to hate her, if she hadn’t
been so darned nice. She was as intelligent and charming as her
husband and I felt the pull of attraction for the second time
that day. It never failed that when I found someone I was
attracted to, especially a woman, they were invariably
unavailable. I sighed in regret and shook her hand as Eric
introduced her.
Now, I counted Kasia and Eric as my closest friends. It had
started with a dinner invitation. I was alone in a new city and
they befriended me. Kasia asked me to go shopping with her. Eric
kept me entertained over lunch every day with tales of their
friends and family. Kasia always had some activity planned for us
over the weekend, whether it be more shopping, a movie, or the
occasional camping trip. Eric was a few years older than me but
Kasia and I were the same age. We all got along like peas in a
pod. No conversation was too risqu, no topic taboo. We talked
about everything and anything. They both knew I was bisexual and
had accepted it without batting an eye.
The more I got to know them, the more attached I became. They
were kind and generous and devoted to each other. I envied them
their love. It was by turns quiet, and warm, and silly, and all
the things I had always hoped to find for myself. Now I had, but
it was too late. Telling them how I felt would only create
problems for them and cost me my best friends. Especially now
that they were trying to get pregnant. So I kept my feelings to
myself and enjoyed the time we spent together. I tried not to
think about how much I loved them both.
With a sigh, I opened the most urgent case file and went to work.
I didn’t see Eric again until almost lunchtime and there he was,
sticking his head in my door again.
“Hey Nina, Kasia’s going to be joining us today, okay?”
“Great, just let me freshen up and I’ll be ready to go.”
He nodded and I headed to the ladies’ room quick. I studied my
face as I touched up my makeup. Pixieish would be the best word:
short blond hair, dark brown eyes, an upturned nose, with a
dimple in one cheek. I’d always wanted to be beautiful and
elegant, but I was nothing more than perpetually cute. No use
worrying about something I couldn’t change. Eric was waiting for
me when I came out and together we headed off to meet Kasia for
lunch. She was waiting outside our favorite Chinese restaurant.
“Nina!”
Kasia greeted me with our customary hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Eric got a lot more than a kiss on the cheek. I could see her
tongue dart out to tease his and had to bite my lip to keep from
moaning at the sight. Down girl, don’t even think about it.
I looked away while they continued kissing and waited until I
heard Eric clear his throat. He bent and whispered something in
Kasia’s ear. If the breeze hadn’t been blowing just right, I
probably wouldn’t have heard him ask her, “Is it all set?” She
nodded and pulled the door open so we could go in.
Is what all set?, I wondered. I didn’t have long to worry about
it. After we were seated and our order taken, Kasia and Eric both
grinned at me.
“What? You two are up to something … I’ve seen that look
before.”
“You tell her.”
“No, you tell her.”
“No, you.”
“Would one of you quit arguing and tell me whatever it is you
want to tell me, please?” They had a silent argument with lots of
finger pointing before they decided that Eric would tell me.
“We found a house.”
I looked from Eric to Kasia and we squealed in unison. I got up
and hugged them both, hard. They had been looking at houses for
almost three months now and hadn’t been able to find anything
they liked at all. This was major news. I started asking all
sorts of questions.
“So where is it? How many bedrooms? What’s the neighborhood
like?”
They just grinned at me and refused to answer my questions. Then
Kasia relented some.
“Actually, we’d like you to come look at it with us tonight.
We’re going through it again before we put an offer in. We
already told out agent that we were bringing someone along.
Please say you’ll come. We can have dinner together after to
celebrate … ” She looked at me pleadingly and Eric was wearing
the puppy dog eyes he always used to get his own way. It wasn’t
like I needed to be convinced.
“Sure, I’d love to come look at it.” We made plans to meet at
their apartment after work and go from there to see the house of
their dreams.
.oOo.
The house was beautiful. And huge. It was a contemporary, open
floor plan: six bedrooms, four full baths, two half baths, huge
family room, full finished basement that could easily be
converted to more living space. I couldn’t understand why two
people needed so much room. The neighborhood was wonderful, quiet
and out of the way with large, three acre lots for each house. It
was easy to see why Eric and Kasia were in love with the house,
but damn it was big. I looked at the asking price on the spec
sheet and wondered if they could afford it. Eric made good money
at the firm and Kasia ran a very successful business as an
interior designer, but still… I winced as I looked at the
estimated monthly payment.
“So, what do you think? Do you like it?” Eric was standing just
behind me, reading the spec sheet over my shoulder.
“I love it. I think it’s a beautiful house. Pretty big, though.”
He nodded, “Yeah and that’s deliberate on our part. We’re hoping
to have a big family. We don’t want to buy a house and then have
to sell it and buy a bigger one later. This is for keeps.”
Kasia and the real estate agent joined us. After shaking our
hands, the agent excused herself for another appointment and the
three of us headed to dinner. None of us could decide where to
eat. Kasia and I kept suggesting places and Eric would agree.
Finally, Kasia had enough and made a unilateral decision.
“Let’s just get a couple of pizzas. We’ll take them back to our
place and eat sprawled out in the living room.”
Eric laughed. “Don’t you just love a woman with a plan?”
Oh god, yes. More than you know. I muttered a non-committal
agreement and hoped my thoughts didn’t show on my face. An hour
and a half later, as predicted, we were sprawled in their living
room, stuffed with pizza and nursing our after-dinner coffee as
we talked about the new house. All that pizza sitting in my
stomach, combined with the long day, had my eyelids drooping. I
had to go home now, while I still could. I got up and put on my
shoes.
“Nina, wait.” Kasia and Eric exchanged a meaningful look before
Kasia continued, “Eric and I have something we want to talk to
you about. Can you stay a little longer, please?”
Something in her tone was different. They were different. Gone
was the relaxed atmosphere of dinner and dreams. They were both
vibrating with an inner tension that my own gut picked up and
amplified. I sat back down on the sofa and waited for them to
continue. They sat down on the coffee table in front of me and
had another silent conversation that consisted of raised eyebrows
and shaking heads. Apparently, Eric was elected because he’s the
one who reached out for my hand and held it gently in both of
his.
“Nina, Kasia and I have had something we’ve wanted to talk to you
about for a while but frankly, we just didn’t know how you would
take it. Now, with this house situation, we can’t put it off any
longer.”
Panic and irrational fear welled up inside me. “What is it? Have
I done something wrong?”
“No, of course not!” Kasia reached out and took my other hand as
she spoke. “We want to ask you something.”
“Ask me what?”
“We’d like you to move in with us.” Eric could not have surprised
me more if he had grown a third eye in the middle of his nose.
“We’ve talked about this a lot, Nina. Kasia and I both have
feelings for you. To be honest about it, we’re both in love with
you. I know this is probably a shock and we want to give you some
time to think it over, but we want you to share that house with
us and join our family.”
They’re in love with me? What? When? But, but … Kasia? My brain
was spitting out questions faster than the rest of my body could
deal with them. I’d never been more shocked in my life. It was a
good thing I was sitting down, because I was half afraid I might
pass out. Finally, my mouth opened and I managed to get some
words out.
“I don’t understand. Join your family how?”
“As Eric’s lover. And mine, too. The three of us, together –
living in that house, having babies if you want, raising the kids
with two moms and a dad, growing old together.”
“But you aren’t attracted to women.”
Kasia laughed, “Whoever said that?”
“But you’re married.” Damn, I felt stupid. Why couldn’t I get the
right words out?
“Nina, I’ve always liked girls. I just happen to like men better.
I fell in love with Eric and we got married. I figured that was
it, the end. Him and me, together forever.”
“Then you came into our lives,” Eric spoke up. “And we both
realized how wonderful you are. I knew Kasia had been with women.
She and I are honest with each other about everything. When I
started to have feelings for you, I told her. Turns out, I wasn’t
the only one. When we got married, we both expected to live
happy, monogamous lives. But these last few months we’ve come to
realize that’s not what we want. We love you, Nina. You’re smart
and sexy. You are the kindest, most caring person either of us
has ever met. You make us laugh, and when you go home at night
this place is empty without you. We’ve seen the way you look at
us when you think we aren’t looking. It’s been obvious that you
have feelings for us, too. And we know you’ve tried to hide it
because you didn’t want to break up our marriage.”
“The truth of the matter is,” Kasia said as she looked into my
eyes, “you make our marriage stronger. We’re both happier, more
open people since you came into our lives. We love that you cared
enough to keep whatever you feel for us hidden, but we don’t want
you to do that anymore. We’re hoping that you love us as much as
we love you and that you’ll consider joining us. Permanently.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and talked to myself sternly for a moment
or two. I was dreaming. I had finally snapped under the strain of
hiding my feelings and now must be hallucinating. Yes, that must
be it. I took a deep breath and pinched my thigh hard enough to
draw tears. I promised myself that when I opened my eyes I’d find
myself at home, alone in bed and thinking about this astonishing
dream. I opened my eyes.
Kasia and Eric were sitting in front of me on their coffee table,
looking at me anxiously. Holy shit. This is not a dream.
“Nina? Are you okay?”
Something inside me finally made the right connections between my
heart, my brain, and my mouth. My vision got watery as I felt a
smile plaster itself on my face. I was giggling and crying and
trying to talk all at the same time.
“I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I’m so happy I think I might burst
from sheer joy. I love you guys, too. I have almost from the
start. I’ve been in agony trying to keep it all inside. I was so
afraid of messing you guys up if I said anything and here you go
and make all my dreams come true.”
Kasia looked the way I felt — watery eyes that turned rapidly to
tears of happiness as a huge smile threatened to split her face
in two. Eric’s exaggerated sigh of relief was comical as he made
a show of wiping the sweat from his brow. I stood up and reached
out to Kasia, tugging her up to me. We wrapped our arms around
one another, laughing and crying. Eric pulled us into a three-way
bear hug and squeezed us tight, dropping a kiss on my temple.
Kasia moved a little so she could lift her lips to Eric’s,
kissing him deeply while the three of us were still wrapped in
our group hug. This time I didn’t bother to stifle my moan of
desire as I watched their tongues dance back and forth from her
mouth to his. She broke the kiss and turned to me.
I could feel anticipation make a knot of my stomach as Kasia
lowered her mouth to mine. The anticipation was nothing compared
to that first magical kiss, mouths tasting and teasing, tongues
flicking out to tempt and entice. A moment later I found out
kissing Eric was just as wonderful, as he turned my head to get
his own first taste. Kasia joined in and our three way kiss got
hotter and wetter as we explored each other for the first time.
Eric’s hand slid down and was kneading my ass firmly as he
pressed his groin into my hip. The feel of his hardness against
my body while his wife’s breasts pressed into mine was almost
enough to send me over the edge right then and there.
Eric broke the kiss and stepped away from us. Taking one of my
hands in his, he smiled and headed for their bedroom, tugging me
along behind him. I grabbed Kasia with my other hand and the
three of us made a human train as we wove our way to their room.
Once inside, we began undressing each other; all three of us
helping each other out of their clothes. It took awhile as there
was much kissing and petting. Small moans escaped me at regular
intervals as Kasia and Eric joined forces to strip me, kissing
every inch of my skin as they did so. In unison, they attacked my
breasts - nibbling and sucking my nipples to hard, erect buds.
Eric pushed me back onto the bed and together they attacked my
pussy, their mouths and hands bringing me to one of the most
intense orgasms I had ever enjoyed.
When I recovered, I returned the favor, helping Kasia strip Eric.
We nibbled on his ears, sucked on his nipples, tickling his ribs
as we removed his shirt and pants. Then we worked our way up,
kissing and licking the skin of his calves, the soft skin behind
his knees and then up his thighs. We took turns sucking his hard
cock into our mouths, our tongues moving over him together as our
hands massaged his balls. He groaned and bucked his hips as we
licked and sucked him to orgasm, my index finger buried to the
second knuckle in his ass. We shared the product of our labor,
passing it back and forth before swallowing it all.
Kasia was next. By unspoken agreement, Eric did the bottom while
I did the top, unbuttoning her shirt one button at a time. Taking
my time, I placed dozens of small, soft kisses down her chest and
along the sides of her breasts as I teased her nipples with my
fingers. She begged me to suck them and I teased her gently
before capturing one between my lips. I licked and teased it
before moving to do the other one with her moans filling my ears.
I worked my way lower, kissing her belly until I found Eric
gently lapping at her pussy. I tugged his hair gently and kissed
him when he looked up at me, getting my first taste of her from
his lips. We turned back to Kasia and worked as a team to push
her screaming over the edge, babbling our names mindlessly as her
body spasmed. We crawled into bed next to her and spent the next
few minutes exchanging soft kisses and gentle caresses as we each
recovered enough to begin again. I knew things were about to heat
up when I reached down to play with Eric’s cock and found it
completely erect.
“And who is this for, big boy?” I teased as I closed my fingers
around him. Kasia looked down and grinned.
“I’ve got one of those, too, and it’s got your name written all
over it.”
“Huh?”
My sex-fogged brain didn’t understand what she meant until she
opened a drawer in her nightstand and pulled out a leather
harness and a wicked-looking vibrator. Kasia fitted the toy into
the harness and then fastened it onto her body, positioning the
end of it over her own clit for maximum stimulation.
She struck a pose and asked, “So which is it, him or me?”
“Both, I think. After all, fair’s fair.”
“Ohhh, good plan!”
She climbed back into bed and kissed me hard, our mouths mating
wildly as Eric snuggled up behind me and started playing with my
breasts. My own hands were busy twisting and pulling on Kasia’s
nipples as her hand moved between my legs. Kissing my neck and
sucking on my earlobe, Eric started to whisper dirty suggestions
in my ear.
“Would you like to have my cock shoved up your ass while Kasia
pushes into your pussy? Or maybe you’d prefer to eat her while I
pound into your cunt from behind. Then you can lick your juices
off my cock while you sit on her face? What do you want, Nina? Do
you want to take that harness and shove that vibe up my ass while
I fuck Kasia? Or maybe you’d prefer to sixty-nine with me while
she fucks you silly. What do you want, Nina? Tell us and we’ll
make your dreams come true.”
The more he talked, the hotter and wetter I got. I never knew
just words could have such an effect on me. I moaned as Kasia
plunged two fingers deep into my pussy.
“All of it. I want to do all of that and more. But first, I want
you right where you are,” I wiggled my rear on his erection,
“while Kasia stays right where she is.”
I pulled Kasia closer as I removed her fingers from inside me.
Throwing my leg over her hip, I allowed the tip of the vibrator
to slide into my entrance. She kissed me as Eric moved away
briefly. He came back with a bottle of lube and handed it to his
wife. She squeezed a generous portion into her palms and warmed
it slightly before rubbing it all over his shaft. He kissed her
as I watched, her hands still working the lube over him. Eric
broke the kiss and moved behind me once more as Kasia slid her
lubed fingers between my legs and gently circled my sphincter.
She was careful to spread the lube all over my asshole and then
pushed one finger inside, gently stretching my tight ring. I
moaned as her finger moved in and out of my ass and ground my
pelvis against hers. She pulled away so that the vibrator and her
fingers left me completely, then went to wash her hands carefully
in the small en-suite bathroom. She joined us again as I felt
Eric nestle the head of his cock against my ass.
“Just relax. I’ll go slow and you tell me if it hurts.”
I nodded and pushed my ass back, helping him to slide the tip
against my asshole. He gave a small push and his head popped in.
It felt so good that I couldn’t help but moan. Kasia played with
my nipples as Eric slowly worked his cock into me until he was
buried to the root in my ass. He stayed there, unmoving, while I
got used to feel of his cock in my ass. At my nod, Kasia moved
closer and I threw my leg over her hip again. She turned on the
vibe and placed the tip at the entrance to my pussy, then slowly
pushed it in. I couldn’t believe the sensations and thought I
might pass out from pleasure. They began to move together,
pulling out and thrusting in unison, Eric kissing my neck and
shoulder as Kasia brought her mouth to mine.
Her breasts sliding against mine as our bodies moved together
helped work me to a fever pitch. I twisted her nipples gently,
rolling them between my fingers as the vibe buzzed on her clit.
Eric was sliding in and out of my ass and all three of us were
moaning in ecstasy. He sped up and she matched him, both of them
slamming into my body. Eric started teasing my nipples the same
way I was teasing Kasia and I could feel my orgasm begin. I began
to yelp each time they bottomed out and felt my body stiffen as
my pussy began to spasm around Kasia’s strap-on. They joined me
– Eric pouring his seed into my ass as Kasia stiffened and
screamed against me.
.oOo.
Later, much later, when we were all cleaned up and snuggled
together in bed, Eric kissed me gently on the cheek.
“I’m so glad that’s over with. You have no idea how nervous and
scared we were, thinking about telling you how we felt. Kasia was
convinced we were going to mess it all up by telling you.” Kasia
made little noises of agreement and hugged me close. I lifted my
head to look Eric in the eyes.
“You were scared? Think about me — in love with my two best
friends, who are happily married to each other. There were days
when I thought I would lose my mind.”
Eric grinned and dropped a kiss on my upturned lips. “That’s all
over now, love. Now it’ll be the three of us,
happily-ever-after.”
A house, a career, two people who loved me and who I loved; no
magical fairy godmother could have done better if she’d tried. It
was my own modern-day fairy tale ending, except that it was
better — because it was real.
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March 29th, 2007 — Anal
“These jeans make my ass look big!”
Her voice came from somewhere behind me. I was standing in the aisle next
to Women’s Wear. The lady posing in front of the full-length mirror at
the entrance to the dressing rooms seemed to be talking to herself. Other
than me, there was no one in her immediate vicinity. And yes, the jeans
were a bit tight on her. In fact, she was literally bursting out of
them. Bottom-heavy, she was, and her ass would look big under *any*
circumstances, tight jeans or no. It didn’t just *look* big, it *was*
big — big and lush and pear-shaped. That ass, that huge beautiful ass,
was the fulfillment of every erotic fantasy I had ever had.
She was looking back over her shoulder. She was looking *straight at me*.
She had caught me staring! My guts turned to jelly and I started to turn
away. Where was the nearest exit? But . . . was that a hint of a smile
on her face? A mysterious smile. Yes. Making fun of me? Or . . .
She was beckoning toward me. *Me?* I pointed at my chest and she nodded
vigorously. Well, why the hell not? I slowly made my way toward her.
“You. Yes, *you*. I saw you looking at me. What’s the matter, guy? Never
seen a fat bottom before?”
“Well . . . none quite as nicely shaped as yours.”
She began laughing, then slapped me on the back. It damn near knocked me
over. She was several inches taller than I was, and had to outweigh me
by easily a hundred pounds. Just that big ass of hers alone must weigh
nearly as much as I did. But I felt no pain. In fact, I was gawking in
open admiration at her bouncing breasts as she laughed. Her blouse was
a bit tight, too.
“So, what do you think? Should I buy the damn jeans?”
“Oh yes, definitely. They fit you like a . . . I mean, they show off
your figure to perfection.”
“You admire a classically voluptuous woman, do you? That being the case,
I’m pleased to meet you. I’m Fiona.”
She paid for the jeans, and we agreed to continue our discussion in a
more congenial setting. For example, over dinner.
“Best meal I’ve had in ages.” Well, not actually the best, but at least
as good as I’d gotten in the fast food joints where I’d been eating all
too often lately.
“I enjoy cooking for friends.” She was humming under her breath as she
cleared the table. “Would you like some dessert?”
I’d like that luscious pear-shaped ass for dessert. Now, how to phrase
that delicately?
“Why thank you, Fiona. Do you have anything sweet?”
“Chocolate fudge and . . .”
“And?”
“And, well . . .” She blushed. “I know this is only our first date,
but . . . ”
“But?”
“But I just can’t wait. I’m sorry, but I seem to have fallen in lust
with you. Why don’t we have *each other* for dessert?”
“You just *had* to pick the most expensive item on the menu, didn’t you?”
That big ass of hers looked even better in the flesh. Bare-naked flesh.
It felt good, too. I couldn’t keep my hands off it. Those round, juicy
globes were a work of art.
She had what was once called an “hourglass” figure — full breasts
tapering down to a shockingly slim waist, then flaring out to wide,
generously upholstered hips framing that glorious ass. Looking at her rear
view in the flickering illumination of the bedside lamp, I could almost
picture her as a mythical centaur, with a humanoid torso growing out of
a massive equine rump. Those wonderfully sculpted haunches! Now she was
down on hands and knees, and those magnificent globes, like twin moons,
completely dominated the heavens. Later, hours later, as we lay in
each other’s arms, she told me she measured a full 56 inches at the hip,
that is to say, around the ass.
That ass. I couldn’t keep my hands off it. I savored the soft, cushy feel
as I fondled it. The warm, fleshy resilience of her buttocks as I entered
her from behind (which turned out to be her favorite position). The
freshly powdered scent of wanton femininity tickling my nose when I rubbed
my cheek against her plush bottom. I wanted it, all of it. I wanted to
plumb its depths. I had a sudden raging desire to *fuck* that ass.
In those early morning hours, as we lay entwined, I whispered into her ear
the details my fascination with that magical, wondrous ass. I hinted at
my dark hunger to explore its hidden richness, to insert myself into its
mysterious interior. Her body spasmed in my arms. For a moment I thought
I had offended her, that she was shaken by disgust and outrage. But she
was only laughing softly. She kissed me moistly on the lips, then made
a mock farting sound.
“My hot, passionate lover. I’ve opened my most private self, my private
parts, my very *cunt* to you. Do you think I’d deny you my *ass*? As it
happens, having it up the ass is one of my . . . my secret masturbation
fantasies. It’s just that I’ve never found a man I’ve wanted to realize
it with. Until now.”
There just happened to be a tube of “XE-41 Industrial Strength
Recreational Lubricant” in the top drawer of her dresser. Just behind
several stacks of panties. Very curious. Could be she had already
rehearsed her little fantasy, possibly with the active participation of
a silicone sex toy or two . . .
She knew the moves all right. Her heavenly gate, the entrance to her ass,
dimpled inward, then relaxed and dilated as I gently entered into her
innermost mystery. She was hot and buttery-slick inside and I glided past
her sphincter ring with no resistance. She groaned, then reached behind
and pulled me farther into her. I began a slow pumping rhythm of long,
deep strokes, and shortly afterwards felt the contractions rippling
out from her depths that meant she was having her third orgasm of the
night. She cried out softly and called my name.
My name? What name? What *was* my name? Who was I? I couldn’t seem to
remember. My identity, my past existence prior to seeing her at the store
. . . had flickered out, faded . . . didn’t exist. In fact, I didn’t
exist . . . except as a figment of imagination, Fiona’s imagination. As
consciousness dimmed, the last thing I heard was:
“Yes, yes! My most successful creation — a highly detailed demon
lover, a phantom conjured out of a dream. You! You are a creation of my
imagination. You don’t actually exist in the flesh . . . yet.
“Somewhere, somewhere out there, perhaps among the readers of this very
story, there is someone who can fill your role, someone who can love
me as I’m truly meant to be loved. Someone who believes that there is a
big-assed Fiona out there waiting for him . . . somewhere. Someone whose
belief is strong and unwavering and who will not despair and lose faith
if at first he doesn’t find his Fiona in Women’s Wear. Someone who will
continue searching — searching until that day when he hears a voice
ask whether the jeans make her ass look fat . . . ”
The bedroom light comes on. There! On the far side of the bed. Is that a
faint indentation, as if perhaps a man had slept there? Possibly. Over
there, by the clothes closet, in front of the full-length mirror,
a woman is struggling to pull a pair of too-tight jeans over her ripe
posterior. She is crying softly and calling out a name.
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March 29th, 2007 — Anal
I excelled in my schoolwork, earning Father’s warmest praise. I did so
well I got a full scholarship to the University of my choice. Although
it would have been no burden on Father’s finances to pay for my college
education, he fairly glowed with pride at my achievement. Since the
University of my choice was an easy commute, I continued living with
father throughout my college years, and continued trying my best to
please him in every way.
As time passed, it became clear that, while neither of them would ever
refuse Father anything, April and June were just not as excited by the
sexual aspects of our familial relationship as I was. June, of course,
would go along with almost anything, and did find pleasure in it, but
she was just as happy doing other things.
April proved to be more interested in new experiences than in sex for
itself. She explored every sexual avenue that was open to her, even, at
one point trying to get June under one of the horses. That was one of
the few times June refused to go along with her.
When I was eighteen, and in my first year of college, I finally let
Greta talk me into trying sex with a horse. Even after much stretching
and ‘conditioning’ with enormous dildoes, I found it to be merely a
tolerable experience. The pain was intense, and the horse was somewhere
several feet above me, not at all involved with ME, just the feeling of
my tight little pussy on his dick. Even though Greta masturbated to
several orgasms, watching that enormous dick slide back and forth in my
tiny body, I never came.
Since father expressed no interest in my repeating the act, I never did,
though I continued to get aroused by Greta’s obvious enjoyment of being
fucked by the horses. At least, having tried it, I could empathize with
her a little more and understand what she was feeling.
My senior year in College, my brother showed up unannounced, to our
great joy! He had worked his way through a labyrinth of legitimate and
semi-legitimate jobs, lea